EXCERPT FROM A WAITRESS WITH NO SKILLS

CHAPTER: FIRST DAY

Yes I spilled a whole glass of ice with dirty martini at the bottom of the glass all over her back and floor, crashing to the ground, ice spinning out onto the floor all over the surrounding tables. They left me a large tip.
The restaurant goers were sat in my section and they smiled at my inability to know when to take the menu, or how to take their order with a glass trey in my left hand. But at least they showed mercy.
It wasn't until the fat ladies sat down and watched me place their wine glasses down and deal with putting the tray inside my armpit and attempt to open the wine, did i realize that i was not myself. I was more fucked up than the first day on any job I ever had that was a “regular job” while my mother asked about my “work.” I opened the wine and the cork chopped off from the top and I pretended everything was fine. They didn't know. Everything was fine until there was cork floating around the surface.

Wine tasting during “the meeting” was new to me since I drink wine, I don't taste it. Anyone can be asked to stand up and recite the ingredients in a dish. They called on one of my only companions in Team Nercy and she was flustered. She cheated on the test, like most people I suppose, and didn't know anything.
I didn't pass the test...had to take the first page over. But ripped out a 100% and made the chef, who didn't have a pen on him, take my fat red sharpie and circle that shit for everyone to see. What else can I do at this moment. I've already been sent home for not having buttons down my black gear. Then sent home a second time for getting a C on my menu test because I didn't know that there was flour, chili flakes, cumin, mustard seed and fennel seed in their bread basket which contains 5 breads. I brought it on. I goggled that shit and came back with Internet ingrediants and blasted out paragraphs that defined the simple words with in depth descriptions of the origin, the multifaceted parts of the plants or meanings behind sauces. No one would knew what was ON. Bo-Ya....turned into a talk after my shift. After the negators spoke and ruled me out as a novice, idiotic lame ass piece of shit served on a shaky platter with a tutorial on wine opening on one table, and a starter and dinner served at the same time on another table. Not to mention the machine, my biggest enemy, starring me down in the face with its boxes of words that lead you to more detailed boxes with wines that are spoken one way and for some reason written in the machine another way. What the fuck is any person supposed to do? Go cry in the closet.